(edited & rebutted by Beth in none other than the color orange, font: courier, blah blah blah... carry on)
A few months ago a friend of mine was talking to me about
his relationship with his wife and some of their struggles. Those of us who are married know how
difficult it can be, at times (gasp! who me?!?). Unknowingly, I gave him some advice that proved to be a game
changer for me; I think it helped him too. Anyway, the idea is to take out the trash that clutters the
relationship. Similar to a garage
or office… hint…hint (bite me delauter ;P this is the year, I swear) we collect things
that are not needed or even useful and sometimes we need to get rid of
them. Put another way, I wrote a
list of “Beth things” that irk me and then I threw it out (WOW! scoring points
here). I didn’t even tell her about
it, until now since she proofreads everything I do (you should be scared my dear). The list was not big things
or issues that needed to be discussed but still things that I needed to let
go.
I will give a few examples (oh boy!! can you?!?). First incident, she let it slip one day
that I load the dishwasher “not-so-efficiently” & “it looks like you just
threw them in there just to get it done” (said jokingly of course to smooth it
over & plenty of “thank you’s” for helping out). So upon hearing this I was a little irritated that she pointed
out that I was not “smart enough” to load the dishwasher the “right way”. My pride was a little hurt. Why is her way the “right way” and my
way wrong? (“not-so-efficient”…perception, perception!) So then I brushed it
off with some jokes and said that since I was not smart enough to do the dishes
the right way maybe I should not do them at all. I liked where this was going. So as I secretly pouted (I knew he was), nursing my pride
back to health I thought about how many times I had something similar to say about
her driving (say what?) or something else in which I felt superior and ran off
at the mouth about it.
Another example is her teeth brushing ritual at night (oh
geesh). I avoid our bathroom and
that part of the house if at all possible during this sacred time so I don’t
have to hear the jackhammer that she calls an electric toothbrush. I have no idea why it bothers me. It might be that it is extremely loud
or that it runs forever (psht! cuz I’m thorough & want the rock star
treatment at the dentist office) but by the time she comes out of the bathroom
I am physically hot from being so annoyed that I can’t go to sleep & have
to leave the room. I know it is
ridiculous but it happens, I am avoiding it right now as I write this. This was number one on the list.
After writing the list, which was not long or even
substantial (good save), as you can tell from the above, I threw it away. It is not a one-and-done. By that means, some things still bother
me (moving on)…but most times we just laugh about it, and when it seems to get
too cluttered I take out the trash, again (I am either really comfortable with
who I am or completely devoid of feeling for publishing this). We take out the trash in our houses a
lot so why wouldn’t we do it in our marriage? It has helped me to be happier, I wish it were my idea but
it wasn’t. This technique sounds
dumb, I know, but the things that bother us to the place that we fight and
argue are probably small, insignificant, even dumb at times, and most likely
all based on perception. (& the hubs is still alive people ;) Phil. 4:8&11, 1Cor 10:5
