The only reason I am writing this one is because our change affects more than us & I feel it needs to be shared openly. Hopefully to help family, friends, & us to process through this & understand the best we can. Since it is nearly impossible to accomplish that in person I am laying it out here. Brace yourself, this one is a bit more somber.
Change is inevitable, but even knowing that doesn't make it any easier. It's a wild card of emotions. Sometimes it's exciting & other times HATE, pain, sadness... fill in the blank. Grieving stages can creep in, which is expected with our change, & that's more than ok. We are working through it. It's healthy & necessary. Emotions are just part of the human condition, IT'S WHAT WE DO WITH IT THAT MATTERS. This monster change has us doing all the feels. It's even harder knowing it's the right thing to do, but it has caused relationships to end. We can't control how people will respond or make them understand, that's the hard reality.
Eight years ago, in 2008, we had one of the most terrifyingly intense changes of our lives. Adam came home from his first deployment, a week later Nevaeh was born, we were finishing up the project to add on to my grandparent's house so that we could move beside them & be a support for them, BUT. THEN... the economy crashed, some family got upset about our move beside Nan & Pap (completely understood), the twins were diagnosed with Autism, & so we lost ourselves in all of it. Just because we knew it was the right thing & we were led to do it, doesn't mean we were promised the way would be easy. That Goliath change turned out to be THE best thing that ever happened to us; once we worked through it, it transformed us. Sounds crazy right?? One thing we thought we knew for sure was that we would never move again. That was it for us. Well we were wrong.
We find ourselves again being prompted to move on. It really is kind of incredible how it all has come together, but that aside, it is terribly painful (I'm a mess as I write this) & like 2008, it doesn't just affect us. It causes a ripple effect. We don't know how it will be interpreted by those who have sentimental attachment.
Here is what I've been getting to, we have decided to move to our farm. We feel led to move. Not because we don't want to be here... we LOVE it here & we love Nan & Pap so much!! This hurts more than I can express here & the thought of moving again makes me want to gouge my eyes. We need to move because of the opportunities it provides for Devyn & Gavyn. They deserve that from us. The boys transition to middle school next year... moving to another county opens more doors for them. Moving also lets us invest in more therapy. The farm will allow Devyn to start learning skills to ease the transition into adulthood. He loves working on the farm, & it means he will work directly with us instead of in the community with someone doing something he may not enjoy or that gives him the chance to reach HIS potential. Before you start judging that statement, I will add this... community work with an aide is absolutely a wonderful thing, I am not discounting it. Everyone is different & every situation is different. The farm is the choice we feel is right for us.
We also feel it is best for a family to be here that has less limitations, but loves this place & Nan & Pap as much as we do. After a very very long process of praying & consideration, we feel confident that we have been directed to the right family to fit the description. Keeping the house in the family longer still <3 Everything for Nan & Pap staying the same.
We will be moving at the end of the school year, in June. It is hard to say goodbye to a home & people that have always exuded love, grace, joy, & acceptance to everyone with open arms. No one can take away the dear memories that we will treasure forever. It isn't the end. We get to come back to visit & still continue that part of the story, because the door & their arms are still open. I am so thankful for their love & example.
The next chapter is new, exciting, & scary. We don't know what adventures lie ahead, but we will do it together.
"If we hold tightly to anything given to us, unwilling to let it go when the time comes
to let it go or unwilling to allow it to be used as the Giver means it to be used,
we stunt the growth of our soul." -Elisabeth Elliot "Passion & Purity"
