Alrighty, I'm back… got some inspiration recently from a particular situation. It will probably ruffle some feathers. Before you pounce, remember these are my opinions & actual accounts. Sometimes it's nearly impossible to truly know where a person is coming from through written communication. You can't see their body language, hear their tone, or understand their background or reasoning. Please don't take this post as an insult, read with an open mind… remember we are all clay in the Potter's hands, being chipped away at & formed. This post is for me too.
Hope is like oxygen, without hope in something life is dark & seemingly meaningless. When we lost our first pregnancy we were advised by an all-knowing, so-called "Christian" that it was caused by sin in our lives… thank you very much, that was the opposite of helpful. Second occasion, when our twins were diagnosed with Autism… another "well-meaning Christian" shared that there must be some sin in our lives that needed to be dealt with. If I wasn't already so wounded by these two devastating circumstances I would have introduced them to my Chuck Norris roundhouse kick (cough correction) I mean, the truth.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Jesus, I believe He rescued my life, & I believe the Bible is God's "Living Life for Dummies" Guide, but I didn't always feel that way. There was a time in my life when I didn't believe there was a God, or that if there was I vowed to hate Him forever; I lost hope in everything… stick a fork in me, life was done. During that time, I didn't want to hear Bible verses, or bandaid comments of, "I'm praying for you," "let go & let God," "you're not being spiritual enough," "it's all in your head." (Don't get me wrong, I absolutely appreciate people praying for me & saying it when they are genuine… but sometimes you just know when it's an empty gesture) Honestly, what helped the most were the people willing to get their hands dirty, just listen, offer to help in some tangible way, or just show they cared… actually cared.
Sometimes I have a hard time being classified into the "Christian" category… it's got a bad rap. I'm not saying I'm better than the people who so graciously pointed out the speck in my eye, which in turn only caused me to question my faith in a loving God, but I do try to avoid saying anything that's end result is a fist in my word box. I'm pretty sure, just my opinion, that hard times happen in this life because we live in a decaying world full of chain reactions from bad choices that sometimes don't even have anything to do with us. Sh!#. Happens. ...yes, I said it. It's our choice how we respond to those invasive forces. If we would all be a little less quick to give "advice", or assume we know the right answer (we all know what they say about assuming), or "holding our fellow believers accountable" which really means judging (in many instances), it gives us a little more brain space to ask ourselves… "how would I want someone to talk to, or treat me if it were me this happened to?" I know, I know, it requires some effort & seeing past the end of our noses, but it can be done.
I have really been challenged by writer Jen Hatmaker's statement in her book, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, "what if we really loved our neighbors as ourselves?" I mean really think it through… words are life, they animate our thoughts, feelings, character, where we've been & where we are going. They have the power to either build someone up or tear them down. Unless you know a person well, their background, their beliefs… then most likely what you have the "urge" to say will just be a self-serving, empty comment (I am not exempt from this). A friend of ours(an atheist) wrote this, "I'll pray for you" I've heard that a lot. Every time I have heard that basically it means, "Good luck with that, you are on your own, I'm thinking about you....but not really." I would NEVER tell someone "I'll pray for you" I would offer help, I would listen, but if you know that this person doesn't have anywhere near the same beliefs as you, it is absolutely disrespectful. Not saying you CAN'T pray for that person, I'm just saying keep it to yourself. Another person commented, "When people disagree with you and then say they'll pray for you, that is such a condescending comment in that context." Honestly, I think they hit the nail on the head. We all come from different backgrounds & have different perspectives. Shoving our beliefs down someone else's throat, Christian-ese, the mind over matters, isn't the cure-all for what we consider to be someone's supposed brokenness.
Over the past few months, everywhere I turn it seems like I am hearing a story about stupid stuff people say. I know we have heard on more than one occasion about our twins, "what's wrong with them?", "Can you fix them?", "is there anything wrong with your other children?" …seriously people, I hate almost everything about Autism… but my kids are incredible & have taught me more about real love, contentment, strength, & true success than any neurotypical. Soap box: We need to stop viewing our kids' accomplishments as the currency of parenthood, it takes the pressure off us & them (I read that somewhere). I have a few friends adopting right now that have been told just absolutely judgmental & insensitive things, like… "you got yourself into this, you should have known what you were in for." Here's a bit of advice back to whoever you are, GET YOUR PIE-HOLE FILTER CHECKED, IT IS BROKEN.
Alright, back to the "love your neighbor as yourself" thing lol. Hope is the driving force of change. Faith: belief in something or devotion to something, is the seed that plants itself & creates movement. Voila!! Faith plus Hope & you've got yourself Love in action. So, would you give a stranger in need your good clothes, your favorite clothes, not your "I was gonna give it to the mission anyways" clothes? Would you give them your best food? Your favorite diamond ring? Would you give up one of your weeks of vacation to wherever to help an orphanage provide food for children in poverty? Not eat out or buy special coffee drinks for a month & give that money to a cause? It really makes me think about why I do the things I do or buy the things I buy. Am I just trying to keep up with the American Way? Keeping up with the Jone's? Seriously?!? What is the point? ...We can't take it with us. It's just crap lying around that I have to waste time dusting & cleaning (lol, who am I kidding… I don't dust unless you are a "special" person coming to visit). What are we willing to give up? Obviously, I am not saying I am opposed to vacations, or spending money on stuff… I am just trying to find somewhat of a balance, & the fact that I am seeking a balance is evidence we have more than we need.
Who we hang around, what we listen to, what we watch… it all has an influence on our minds. If we all would worry a little more about who WE are & the example WE are to the people around us, what legacy we will leave behind, & not worry so much about "fixing" everyone else, it might just be a little less cra-cra.
