deck the halls with bolts & alarm systems

Like the title? ...yea, there's a bit of sarcasm in it.  Over the holidays we have seen, heard, experienced, & then some.  Instead of thinking about spending time as a family trying to carry on traditions we had as kids & planning time to be with family & friends, we've been forced to think about new ways to provide safety & security in more ways than one.  Devyn is very attracted to water & is now able to work the safety knobs on all the doors.  One day I was working on dinner & it hit me I hadn't heard Devyn playing close by lately.  I did the search through the house to find him in my bathtub in straight hot water, fully clothed (water heater was turned back thank God).  The same day, I went downstairs to put laundry in & Devyn figured out the lock on the garage door & ran outside.  Luckily we noticed right away & were able to catch him quick.  We are on to the next phase of safety.  We are constantly researching, asking, analyzing, thinking about what is the best things we can do to keep him safe & his twin brother who's needs are different.   Lately even my dreams have been overrun by concerns of worse case scenarios of Devyn somehow getting outside in the middle of the night in the freezing cold & the rest of us don't wake up to the alarms going off.  Ummm, this Momma says it's time to start working on getting a service dog.  It has been a weary holiday break starving for a glimpse of health & hope.  One fact that resonates is that yes, it has been bleak these last two weeks but it is a reminder not to place our hope in things or for things on this earth.  They are fleeting & can't go with us.  This time is about the birth of The Only Hope... Hope that one day the only thing we'll have to worry about is what fun thing to do together next!

The other source of concern for safety & security comes from the media's selective input of the horrible tragedy that happened at Sandy Hook School.   It tears me up inside, the losses of that day, & trying to imagine for a moment what it would be like to be in those parents' shoes.  Then, you add on the negative stigma being spread about Autism by the media based on assumptions & not fact & leaving out key points all because of a lack of knowledge & unwillingness to understand the true, fully-explained, characteristics & symptoms of the disorder.  They are looking for something to blame & pushing gun control & bullying special needs as the answer.  All it has caused is an undue ripple effect of ill-will, further isolation, obstacles, & harm to special needs individuals.  Autism is not the cause, blame & gun control are not the answer.  It takes each person choosing to live each day with compassion, kindness, unconditional love, forgiveness, respect, & contentment.   Here's a statement from a family that volunteers with Autism Speaks that paints the picture on the affects.  "At an early age I taught my child that does not have autism that he will always come into contact with people who are afraid of what they do not understand and will say hurtful things and that does not define what his brother is or what we are as a family. We are key volunteer for autism speaks and have worked over the last several years to take away the mystery of this disorder- So my 13 year old went to school yesterday...and was confronted by a 12 year old that he does not know to confronted him in the hallway to say 'Don't you have a brother that has autism" to which my child said "yes" and he was told "you know that the kid that killed all those kids had autism" to which my son said "yes - but that is not my brother" It is a terrible thing that has happened and the shooter is dead, however, the families that have a child with autism are left with the shame of what he did.The media should look at the way our country treats mental illness & autism, how the school system does not give individuals with autism the social support that is so critical- the media should look at how hard our families have worked to get laws passed to get access to care from our insurance companies only for the law to be regulated in ways that make it impossible for families to access support.... check out the autism insurance law in NY - find out from Gov. how many actually professional can provide care and support in the state of NY - the number is under 50. The media should be more careful in pointing blame to a segment of our society that is more likely to be physically abused, sexually abused, mentally abused and even killed by school staff and law enforcement because the person did not respond in a typical way. It is a horrible, terrible thing that has happened to our country- but please do not sacrifice the families and individuals that have autism- we are already isolated and stigmatized enough." here's a link to more coverage & awareness of the truth, http://www.autismspeaks.org/news/news-item/autism-speaks-responds-claims-media-linking-autism-spectrum-disorders-planned-violenc

Sooo, now I gotta play some clean up.  I've been reading over some journaling from the summer & this, I think, ties in....
  The "Blame Game" (Job 38:1-18), good 'ole Webster defines it as... doing everything but taking responsibility for your part in a dispute or accepting a situation for what it is.  Which then leads to "Grudges" (Ecc 3:6,Heb 12:1)- "Holding a grudge" is just holding on to the feelings of anger, hurt, & pride as a result of whatever offense that took place against you or the assumption of an offense. That's like letting a destructive tenant live rent-free in your mind...nuts!  Instead of playing the wounded victim or reacting with the first nasty retort that comes to mind (that never happens right? ;P ), take a step back, think it through, & reflect on self first (yea...you, me, & everyone in between). What could I have done or said that caused them to react the way they did? If it has nothing to do with you, then break it down...what is causing them to react this way?  What happened to them that would cause them to choose to do that to me? Adam spoke these words of truth to me early on in our relationship & I couldn't believe the relief it gave me & the healing power it provided over a past trauma (John 8:32). I try to use this with everything that comes my way.  It allows us to remember that "a soft answer turns away wrath" (Prov 15:1). This leads to confession whether you feel the situation warrants it or not.

Confession (1John 1:9, James 5:16)- is admitting or acknowledging something. Confession to God & others promotes a cleansing process...cleaning out the "cob-webs" in our minds. Kicking out that "dirty tenant" & replacing it with truth. This is an area where God used Adam's example to open my eyes. Early in our marriage, when we would disagree or argue, he would apologize or confess almost immediately for whatever he could have possibly said or done that I took offense to. Even the times when it was clearly me trying to start something ;/ A lot of times, I'm embarrassed to admit, I would be like, "Uh-uh! You're not getting off that easy! This is sooo not over! I am totally going to hold on to this for at least a day or two & stay angry & give you the silent treatment, even though I completely forget what I was even upset about!" LOL, poor guy...what a mess ;P I finally woke up when he apologized for something that he had no place taking responsibility for. I was just being a selfish, prideful dumby & I've been working on that ever since, thank goodness.

Forgiveness- to excuse, pardon, renounce. It's not a magical "one-time cures all" potion. Sometimes it takes choosing to forgive every time that offense, hurt, or situation comes back to haunt you from time to time. Put it in it's place, take that thought captive to Christ (2Cor 10:5) & replace it with the truth, "I've already forgiven that" (Col 3:12-17). Who am I that I won't forgive, when Christ forgives me over & over & over again (Eph 4:32). I read in an article from onechristianministry.com, "When Christ told Peter to forgive 70x7, He was saying to forgive until the end of the world (Matt 18:21-22)."

"there's no crying in baseball!"

I have to say after the message today at church & all I have learned about change through life experiences & choosing how to respond, for some reason today it's a bit tough to trip up the cynic taking a joy-ride in my brain.  Autism is kinda on my last nerve lately (putting it nicely), seeing the effects it has not only on us but on countless others.  It is equally fascinating & frustrating.  I just want to run up to the top of some mountain & YELL...  "I want to talk to my son!!!  I don't want to worry about possible escapes!!!  I don't want my boys to struggle with painful sensory triggers!!  I hate seeing them in melt-downs & aggravating behaviors & not knowing how to deal with it sometimes...especially in public!!  I am exhausted of the schedules & coordinating & trying to figure out how to spend time as a family!!! Everything has changed!!!"  Holidays are tainted by a few circumstances, we can't just get up & go like a lot of families to just go do something, I lost my favorite fishing spot & haven't caught a fish in 2yrs (ok, now I'm just whining lol).   Ugh, alright, time to suck it up DeLauter...  this gave me some perspective, check it out...

...As much as it hurts sometimes being pressed & chipped away at, I know it's only shaping me/us to be more... building character, strength, & a bunch of other motivational words I don't feel like searching my brain for right now.   It's not what I had in my playbook, sometimes I have to pull off a fake to get back into the game, but I know the prize far out ways the cost.  I have a husband that loves me for me & four incredible kids I get to spend time with in our own special way,  I have no doubt what I am here to do, & the goal is simple... to love & serve.   I'd say... I've got it made.

tackling "GOLIATH"

Tackling "Goliath"... fighting the surge of thoughts & emotions in dealing with some of the behaviors our Autistic son struggles with.  "Courage does not always roar.  Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." -Mary Anne Radmacher

Right now, Devyn is struggling terribly with his eating disorder...here are some blips of our lives that we updated our facebook friends with... "Oh Mr. Devyn, I ache to figure out what is causing all of your struggle these last few days. Praying for guidance & wisdom for the increased behaviors, wandering, self-limiting diet, self-injury, pica, & unexplained fevers."   More recently we posted... "Our situation with Devyn unfortunately has not improved. He has actually severely limited his diet to cereal only, refuses to drink anything with even the minutest amount of supplements in it (needed to improve the deficiencies) & pica has increased. Monday we see the doctor to make a game plan. We are praying to avoid the feeding clinic or anything drastic, & hoping for dramatic improvement in the meantime. Please continue to pray for guidance, wisdom, & strength."

Kathy Medina writes in her devotional book "Finding God in Autism"..."The pain that came to our hearts when our son was diagnosed with autism was so strong it captivated my mind for about one & a half years. We are held captive by anything that keeps us from living the life God wants for us. I was captivated because it paralyzed me from moving forward. Autism not only invaded our son, it invaded our entire family, our entire life. It wreaked havoc with our finances, our time, our home, our friendships, our jobs...in fact it is so pervasive, there was not any part of our lives which it did not affect. In many ways, Satan won for a while."  I can strongly relate to where she is in this statement...mine was called "The Mess of 2008", an earlier post on this blog.  The info. below helped so much in making me aware & choosing positive coping. 

Accepting the stages of grief & utilizing spiritual resilience to cope & move on. 
Military & special needs families are no strangers to the stages of grieving & recognizing some stages are more severe than others, depending on the situation, or they can be very minimal. I am not leaving out that people outside these groups experience these things just the same, but like I said I am relating to what I have experienced.

There are 5 basic stages:
1. shock/denial- numbing your emotions to avoid pain.
2. pain/guilt- as shock & denial wear off the effects of pain, & thoughts of what did I do wrong,
                      or what could I have done better set in.
3. anger/bargaining- blame, the why me's, & trying to bargain with a higher power
4. depression/reflection/loneliness- sad reflection of what was or could have been, & possibly lead to despair & isolation
5. acceptance/hope- learning to be content with what is & accept it, & finding hope to move forward.

Which leads to Spiritual Resilience (what makes life worth living/life animators): Honestly, I connected with the pre-deploy & reintegration trainings through the military, Hooah!!. I really like the condensed, simple break down of our last deployment training because regardless of religion we can all relate to spirituality (understandings & beliefs that enable coping, comfort, & meaning).
He called it "The Big 5 Inventory":
1. "Forgive me"- owning up
2. "Forgive you"- let go of resentment
3. "Thank you"- counting blessings
4. "I love you"- acknowledging what is important
5. "Good bye"- let go of what you can't control

can't be reminded enough: 
Philippians 4:6-7

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

check out Mercy Me's song "Move":
www.godtube.com/watch/?v=FJJEJCNU

Autism- "ask me, know me, accept me"

Great workshop yesterday with Pathfinders for Autism. A nice reminder that if you have a non-verbal child/adult, behavior is there first line of communication. This can even be true of verbal individuals on the Spectrum. Don't assume it is attention-getting or just a classic autistic behavior, rule out pain first...there could be an underlying medical cause. If he/she is hitting at their head, could it be a headache? Tugging at their clothes or refusing to eat a certain food or go into a store?  Think sensory overload, their nervous system is overwhelmed & highly sensitive causing a great deal of discomfort & even severe pain.

Another great reminder, be careful what you say or do in front of your Autistic individual. Whether you think they understand or not, they are processing that information & may not say or show a response but you will be amazed at what they retain. "You will reap what you sow." One of the speakers shared an example of her 19yr old son who is non-verbal. Every morning for as long as she can remember she told him, "you are so smart & handsome!" A few years ago at school he was asked to do a writing assignment describing himself.  He wrote, "I am smart, I am handsome!" I don't know about you, but that is too cool!

Lastly, some encouragement they shared in working with newly diagnosed families. They always say, "don't get down or disappointed with this diagnosis. You have an amazingly intelligent & intriguing person in your care that will touch so many lives & do amazing things in this world!" It is so true! The speaker again shared an example of her non-verbal son, that on the outside it seems like he just has behaviors & not able to communicate but if you take time to "ask him, know him, & accept him" you will learn that he has likes & interests the same as you & he can read in 12 different languages! How amazing!! It is a challenging journey & life as you know it may have to be redefined, but you will be a better person through it :)

Check out their website www.pathfindersforautism.org for tips, resources, & events. A link to their site is available on www.prayinwesternmd.org, a local non-profit that we are involved with providing local resources & upcoming events & workshops.

here's something to smile about:
http://www.thedaily.com/article/2012/10/18/101912-ent-katy-perry-johnson/

hope for a starfish

Hope in Action- Jer. 29:11-12, this is the life verse of one of my inspiring battle buddies. We've drudged the trenches together & I admire how even when she gets knocked down she's gonna stand back up boldly, brush it off, & press on. ( love ya, friend ;) )
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future. Then you will call upon Me & come & pray to Me, & I will listen to you. You will seek Me & find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." 

In the "Finding God in Autism" devotional, Kathy Medina relates this to her son. Claiming the promise that God has a plan to prosper him & give him a future. God does not make mistakes, there is a reason. She states, "Whatever God's plan is, it is perfect. No more, no less. Even though we can sometimes feel completely blind to what the future will be, we still need to press forward. Jer. 29:11 tells us God has a plan, but verse 12 tells us we need to do our part. To go, pray & talk to God, & do it with ALL of our heart."

Hope is the driving force of change & change requires choosing to take action. This reminds me of a story I heard called, "Making a Difference"...

An old man walked up a shore littered with thousands of starfish, 

beached & dying after a storm...

A young man was picking them up & flinging them back into the ocean...

"Why do you bother?" the old man scoffed..."You're not saving enough 

to make a difference"....

The young man picked up another starfish & sent it spinning back into the water. 

"Made a difference to that one," he said. ;D

"...his heart grew three times that day." - dr. seuss

Meet our Dr. Seuss Crew :D

Adam & I, Carson our "Cat in the Hat," 

Devyn(wearing hat) & Gavyn our twins...
"Thing 1 & Thing 2," 

& Nevaeh our "Cindy Lou Who."

If I could only express the priceless

rarity of this photo & what it captures... 

lol, I have it!!

An article I read a few weeks ago while in the

waiting area at the twins' therapy group, 

was about Matt Damon on being a father to 

four girls. He said, "The only way I can describe

it- at the end of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, 

you know how his heart grows like five times?

Everything is full; it's just full all the time!"

I couldn't have described it better :)

"constructive criticism"

Another FB post, a good reminder for my amnesia-like mind ;)

As a Momma of special needs children I am no stranger to getting "the eye" in public, or the occasional "constructive criticism" on how I should be disciplining more to fix the behavior or other such things. Living this long enough I know that they just haven't been blessed with the opportunity to understand the truth & I no longer feel the urge to smack them around ;) (Thank you Jesus). What looks like an all-out tantrum to them is really my son responding in pain to the fluorescent lighting & the whirring noises it makes or other triggers. 

On another note, accepting help in-home, stirs a bit of anxiety beings this recovering OCD perfectionist has no choice but to accept where we are in life (again, Thank you Jesus) a military, special needs family of six. Things can't be just so & that's okay...I am learning to be at peace with that, cuz we have bigger fish to fry. Still working on letting go of other people seeing & thinking I'm going be judged when, most of the time, it is really just my assumption or that I'm judging myself. 

Now for confidence, I am very comfortable working behind the scenes. God has other plans it seems. I've had to work through some past experiences & learn to advocate (stand up for what is true & right)& claim confidence in who I am in Christ. Best example coming to mind is Francesca Battistelli's lyrics..."I've got a couple dents in my fender, got a couple rips in my jeans. Trying to fit the pieces together but perfection is my enemy. On my own I'm so clumsy but on His shoulders I can see...I'm free to be me."